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Are you expecting (or hoping!) that your parents will help pay for your wedding? If you are, you need to know when to talk with your parents about money, and how to prepare yourself for that conversation. (And even if your parents aren’t involved in paying for your wedding, reading The (Wedding) Money Discussion will help you with your wedding planning.)
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Most parents want to do everything they possibly can for their children. This often includes paying for their wedding. It’s wonderful if your parents can transfer funds of ten or fifteen or twenty or thirty thousand dollars (or sometimes much more) without some mental preparation. Most can’t. That’s a lot of money for most families. They need to work up to it. It takes some planning. At the very least, they may need to move some money around. So, the morning of the day in which you’d like them to start giving you money is not the best time to introduce the topic.
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Many families have difficulty discussing money – my parents certainly did – and all the more so when there are lots of emotions involved. Take those things, add the element of significant quantity (the cost of a new car, more or less) and urgency, and the possibility exists for world-class stress. Which is, truly, avoidable.
Here are four steps to avoid angst in the family!
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1. Get the numbers.
Have a good idea of what your wedding is likely to cost, at least within a range. I have this kind of discussion all the time with engaged couples.I’ve owned a wedding venue for over 23 years, and also consult with event professionals and speak at event industry conferences on several topics, including how to manage events. (That’s all found here.) So I have a very good idea of what everything connected to a wedding costs, in my local Baltimore, Maryland market.
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I frequently will talk with couples about their wedding budget, and about the costs of catering, DJs, live music, photography, decorating, officiants, and so forth.That gives them a good idea, within a range, of the overall cost of their wedding.
This kind of discussion is something worth having with a local expert in the wedding industry. Seeing the numbers written down helps you understand the costs. It also helps the stress to melt away. Making decisions becomes easier when the unknowns become knowns.
A good local wedding professional should be able to give you a reasonable idea of your overall costs, based on your answers to a few questions and their knowledge of the industry.
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Photo Credit: Jennifer Smutek Photography
2. Sort out your guest list to within, say, ten people.
The sooner you’re able to do this, the better. The size of your guest list has a significant bearing on cost, and it guides the venue-selection process. Also, avoid the common (and often incorrect) thinking that 20% of your guest list will decline your invitation. Even if that happens, you won’t know until a month or less before your wedding. Expect everyone you invite to attend, and plan and budget accordingly.
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3. Know the timeline.
About half of your money is spent in the first few months of planning, in the form of first payments. Moreover, the two expenses that are commonly the largest — venue and catering — are the first to come up. You need to know right up front not only how much money you have available overall but when it is available to you. A good chunk of that money needs to be accessible as soon as you’re ready to sign contracts.
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4. Start the whole discussion early.
Parents—and especially fathers—who haven’t been involved in wedding planning in a while may need some education about why you need to know a year or more in advance of your wedding exactly how much support they plan to offer. So start educating your parents early on – which is to say, well before the day upon which you’d like them to transfer the first funds – about the costs of putting on a wedding and reception nowadays. Most parents of couples getting married today were married on the order of thirty years ago. Things cost less back in the twentieth century! That may be doubly true if their wedding took place in a small town in, well, anywhere.
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The wedding planning process is meant to be fun and exciting!
Educating everyone involved, including yourself, early on can reduce your stress and make a huge difference in your happiness.
Thanks for reading The (Wedding) Money Discussion!
Questions? Give me a call at 410-727-1112. I love to talk weddings!
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Chase Court owner David Egan has lived and breathed weddings for over 23 years! That means you get the knowledge, resources, and attention of a venue owner who has helped plan and execute over 900 weddings.
Call 410-727-1112 or write to schedule a tour of Chase Court!
Visit chasecourt.com and follow @ChaseCourtWeddingVenue on Instagram, and check out our videos on YouTube!
